49 - Putting really hot food in your mouth
I don’t know why, and this may be just me, but on picking some hot food up and juggling it around a little because it’s too hot for my fingers I then chuck it into my mouth. Why! It’s clearly too hot for my fingers so why would it not be too hot to eat?
48 - Using metal on a non stick pan
My god this is horrible, I remember glancing across a kitchen to see a friend going at a non-stick pan with a steel wool scourer just scraping all the non-stick off. Gets right on my tits it does, don’t do it!
47 - General forgetfullness
I had a really good idea for something to write and I’ve forgotten it. I should have written it down I know but I shouldn’t need to!
46 - Stepping in something
Really it’s not nice, the obvious candidate here is dog crap, but stepping in a doughnut is bloody annoying as well. Apart from leaving you with the question of who would leave a doughnut on the floor it makes a right old mess.
45 - Organising large groups of people
Once you’re above a total of 3 people you really start to notice group inertia as you try to sort everyone out. There are many tactics such as organising people in small groups at a time but this inevitability leads to other sections getting disinterested and walking off. Or you could shout at everyone a lot and try to organise them all at once. But remember no matter what you do for every...
44 - When a conversation fizzles out
It’s really damn awkward when you’re stood chatting to someone you vaguely know and the conversation fizzles out and you’re both stood there going, “so, yeah” “hmm, yeah” “right” “yeah” “good” It’s probably best to leave now.
43 - People who are always late
I’m sure you know someone who never turns up on time? The guy who always has you worried he won’t actually turn up or stressing that you’ll actually get somewhere on time. Eventually you start turning up late as well as you know he won’t be there, 7.30 meet in the pub? You can stroll in at 8 and still be first. Irritating.
42 - Government health initiatives
The nanny state I think some people call it. Now I’ve checked and most of the people this is aimed at are consenting adults. Quite simply if they want to stay fat and smoke and drink then, to be honest, that’s kind of up to them. Personally I don’t so I don’t really appreciate being patronised by the Government and demonised for having the occasional McDonalds. I know...
41 - Headphones too loud
Headphones are designed for personal music enjoyment, not for everyone else on a train/bus/other form of transport. Don’t even think about nodding your head or singing along either.
40 - Losing your car keys
I guess what you have to bear in mind is that this never happens when you have plenty of time to spare. This always happens when you’re rushing or already late for something. The frantic scrabble through the key drawer, the patronising “well where did you last have them?” suggestions from family members. The sweating profusely as you rush around in your best suit for an...
39 - Not being able to remember a song
How frustrating is this!? It always happens and I end up sitting there trying to hum something that sounds nothing like any song ever. It often happens with TV themes, Knight Rider for instance, always stumps me yet if I heard it I’d be like “yeah, that’s the Knight Rider theme”. The other problem I have is with John Williams; his stuff, whilst being good, is all a little...
38 - That guy who cuts up a queue of traffic
You’d be amazed at what some people will do to save 30 seconds. Bombing down the hard shoulder and cutting into a cue of traffic - do you think everyone else is sat here for fun? Are the places you’ve got to be more important? If they were you would have a car with flashing lights and we’d all have to move out of the way.
37 - Grunting man in the gym
I’m not expecting my gym to be like a church with everybody working out in silence, but there’s no need for crazy grunting like you’re fighting a pig in the corner of the weights room. We get it! You’re working harder than everyone else, thanks, now shut the f**k up.
36 - The last coin doesn't work
You put your coins into a parking meter armed with the exact change for your 2 hour stay. 10p short of your total and it won’t accept it, you try all the tricks, rubbing the coin, giving it a little spin as you put it in, you even licked it when no one was looking. But the meter simply refuses to accept your 10p. It won’t give you back the other £2.40 it has already. Damn you parking...
35 - Putting kisses on a message you shouldn't
My Fiancée has a real big thing about putting kisses on text message and emails etc, she gets really grumpy if I don’t and it has kind of become a habit. For some reason my boss and clients don’t seem to appreciate it as much.
34 - Getting someone's name wrong
I guess there are two situations - either you get the persons name wrong or you get the wrong person. For instance we had a client turn up for a follow up meeting and he brought his wife to whom he introduced me as Steve, my name isn’t Steve. Having to correct someone for their mistake is irritating as well! When you get completely the wrong person it can be a little more embarrassing,...
33 - The alarm clock
Sadly some irritations are necessary and the alarm clock is one of those. I doubt there’s anyone who likes to wake up to an alarm clock, that’s why we have ones that you throw against a wall, or have to hit. When I win the lottery I will get up when I like, until then I’ll have to put up with it.
32 - Socks
Socks are actually pretty good, they’re snug, they keep your feet nice and warm but in isolation they’re ridiculous. Nobody, absolutely nobody, looks anything but daft in only a pair of socks. As you get undressed they’re always whipped off with the trousers because you wouldn’t dare leave just your socks on - why> because they look ridiculous, quite frankly that...
31 - Not being able to find something after...
Now don’t get me wrong somebody else cleaning up is an awesome thing but how god-damn irritating is it when you can’t find something because someone’s stuffed it into the wrong drawer! My girlfriend is a menace for shoving things into drawers that I’ve left on my desk and I never find/completely forget about them.
30 - Squeeky doors
A mainstay of horror films squeeky doors are rather annoying and a little creepy, get a bit of WD40 on it! There is however one exception to the irritation of squeeky doors and that is the Chewbacca nightstand.
29 - Ripped bin bags
Lifting the bag out of the bin only to have it spill all over your feet is just plain nasty. Especially bad with rotting gooey stuff in the bottom and/or barefoot. The pun of this irritation? Don’t buy rubbish bin bags!
28 - Papercuts
Another on the list of manly injuries (see toe stubbing) that you want to moan about but can’t. I remember being told that they hurt so much because they sever the ends of the nerves which hurts more than say chopping your arm off or being stabbed - or maybe somebody was trying to make an excuse for being such a baby.
27 - Forgetting somebodies name
How awkward when you bump into someone and you need to introduce someone else and you can’t for the life of you remember their name. You just carry on conversation until they introduce themselves or you have to bite the bullet and give the old “sorry what was your name again?” *cringe*
26 - Going Bald
Thankfully I’m not but I’m told that’s it’s not fun. The noise as clippers glide silently over your shiny cue ball head is apparently disheartening. Clinging on to the last throes of hairiness doesn’t help either, I’ve seen some bad comb overs and a disconcerting comb forward. I guess the key is when you make the decision to give up on hair.
25 - People who won't leave an answer phone...
If they’ve taken the time to ring you, then wait through loads of rings, then listen to the voice mail lady why wait 2 seconds then hang up? Leave a god-damn message!
24 - Toast landing butter side down
Dropping your toast is bad enough but butter side down! Damn. Even worse when your in your pyjamas and it lands on your un-socked foot.
23 - Singing a song you really shouldn't know
You know you get carried away with an old song on the radio and start singing aloud to everyone’s astonishment. Really embarrassing with older cheesy 90s songs and when it’s a rap so you have to know the words quite well to rap along. Rapping along to Jump Around - fine, Can’t touch this - yeah ok, Ice Ice Baby - acceptable, the rap from the Spice Girls Wannabe - erm, no.
22 - Locking yourself out
Having spent lots of money keeping thieving bastards without keys out of your house what better way to find out if it works than locking yourself out. The options generally depend on the attire currently worn - pyjamas, well you’re knocking on the neighbours place and ringing the landlord/wife/locksmith. Fully dressed? No money? Well let’s see if you’re still slim enough to...
21 - Coming back from shopping without the one...
We’ve all done it, got back from the supermarket having just nipped out for some milk and unpacked everything to find a distinct lack of milk and then cursed wildly and either - Huffed and puffed all the way back to the shop to get the milk or Just thought sod it and put water on the cornflakes
20 - Not being dressed for changeable weather
You wake up and see the glorious day outside, throw on your shorts and flip flops and head out into the day whistling songs of the south. Then come 12 o’clock you’re walking around the town centre soaked wet through and freezing your arse off - bugger. This most often occurs in spring or autumn where you’re either anticipating the change to summer or clinging to it’s...
19 - Traffic
Everybody hates rush hour it’s horrible but at least you kind of expect traffic then. You’ve prepared yourself for sitting in a horrible car looking at the side of the road. But when you just pop to the shops and get stuck, or take a quick trip down a motorway that should take an hour but 3 days later you’re still stuck wondering what on earth could be happening all the way down...