It’s lovely on golden beaches on picturesque pacific islands, it’s even nice at Blackpool on a sunny day.
However it isn’t nice in your ears or all in your hair or between the cracks of you toes and in your shoes and socks. Nor is it nice itching in every possible fold of your body or blowing in your face as you walk along the prom. Then it is just damn irritating.
You’re having the game of your life on Modern Warfare 2 on Xbox live, there you are about to beat your kill streak record when you get stabbed in the back and here a victorious 12 year old squeak “yeah - take that”. It’s bad enough that they shouldn’t even be playing a game rated 18.
It happens everywhere playing sports games or RPGs or on the Xbox or Playstation or PC all these bloody kids making you feel stupid as they put the 6th goal past your hapless defence on Pro Evolution Soccer or execute you with another well aimed head shot playing Battlefield.
Nobody likes losing but my god is it irritating losing to a kid!
Delivery companies are a pain in the arse, “we will pop by between 7am and 8pm and if no one is in we shall return on a random day in August around 4.30am. If still undelivered we will set fire to your parcel”.
You can guarantee if you leave the house at any point during the delivery window they will turn up then and if you don’t then they will arrive right at the end or even late.
Either from desperately but inadequately trying to shield it from the rain on the walk back from the newsagents or when you put it on the table and it’s a bit damp. Then you try to read some pages and all you can see are the soaked through images from the next page.
I remember the days of dial up, how quaint they were. You sat waiting for your modem to dial up with that flurry of blips and beeps, your parents complained that nobody in the house could use the phone for hours on end and you spent all night waiting for a song to download on Napster.
But those days are gone, I’m paying for a broadband connection so I expect one. I don’t expect to sit there watching images load like it’s 1998 all over again.
10 - "Friends" on facebook but don't say hello in the street
This actually happened to me, a girl I went to school with many years ago added me on facebook. I then saw her in a pub on a trip back to my home town said hello and she blanked me! Why add someone on facebook if you won’t say hello to them in the street.
I have since been much stricter on who gets to be my facebook friend.
The very definition of irritating, just a little itch somewhere that won’t go away. Especially annoying when you can’t reach it or can’t scratch it in public without some strange glances and a possible arrest.
There are in a rush, you wizz into the multi-storey only to get stuck behind the grandma who is reversing in and out and in and out of a huge parking space. You try to drive past but they reverse into your path hopelessly trying to straighten up.
You only came out for a bottle of milk and here you are 30 minutes later waiting for the old dear to park.
It only gets worse when they hit your car.
Actually it gets worse when someone who can’t park hits your parked car.
It’s not hard! Parking is rather straight forward.
4 - Getting somewhere and forgetting why you went there
Standing at the top of the stairs and thinking “now why did I walk up here?”. It’s much more embarrassing when you’ve taken yourself all the way to the Supermarket and you have to buy some random stuff you don’t need so you don’t feel too daft.
2 - That song that you don't like that gets stuck in your head
You know what I mean, when it’s the last song you heard as you left the house and you walk around with it stuck in your head. Even worse when you start humming Westlife on the train or in some other public place or you walk around singing “Go Compare” to yourself - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_-9QFvhQWo
It isn’t ironic! Everything in the song is at most mildly annoying! 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife is in no way ironic unless you happen to have spent your life campaigning for knives to be replaced by spoons and now here you are in need of a knife.
Neither is rain on your wedding day ironic, or “waiting your whole damn life to take that flight”, nor a free ride when you’ve already paid.
But maybe that’s the point - is it ironic that a song about irony doesn’t have anything actually ironic in it? In which case it’s far too bloody clever for it’s own good and that is just as irritating.