February 2010
18 posts
18 - Nonsensical questions
“Isn’t that him who did that thing for you know who?”
This question is completely useless to anyone, yet asked by grandparents and parents alike across the world.
17 - Sand
It’s lovely on golden beaches on picturesque pacific islands, it’s even nice at Blackpool on a sunny day.
However it isn’t nice in your ears or all in your hair or between the cracks of you toes and in your shoes and socks. Nor is it nice itching in every possible fold of your body or blowing in your face as you walk along the prom. Then it is just damn irritating.
16 - Losing to kids playing on-line games
You’re having the game of your life on Modern Warfare 2 on Xbox live, there you are about to beat your kill streak record when you get stabbed in the back and here a victorious 12 year old squeak “yeah - take that”. It’s bad enough that they shouldn’t even be playing a game rated 18.
It happens everywhere playing sports games or RPGs or on the Xbox or Playstation or...
15 - Taking ages at the cashpoint
Waiting in line, person at the cash point (ATM for those non colloquial readers)
Really? You have to check your balance - ok.
Now you want to change your pin number - right.
Oh you forgot to get cash out - card back in.
You want to check your balance again? - why?
Right yep, now decide how much cash you want.
By this time you’re going insane thinking I haven’t got all f**king day...
14 - Being one number away in a raffle
Just one number away!! If you’d been the next person in through the door you would have won!
13 - Waiting for deliveries
Delivery companies are a pain in the arse, “we will pop by between 7am and 8pm and if no one is in we shall return on a random day in August around 4.30am. If still undelivered we will set fire to your parcel”.
You can guarantee if you leave the house at any point during the delivery window they will turn up then and if you don’t then they will arrive right at the end or even...
12 - Getting your newspaper wet
Either from desperately but inadequately trying to shield it from the rain on the walk back from the newsagents or when you put it on the table and it’s a bit damp. Then you try to read some pages and all you can see are the soaked through images from the next page.
Quite simply newspapers and water do not mix.
11 - Slow Internet
I remember the days of dial up, how quaint they were. You sat waiting for your modem to dial up with that flurry of blips and beeps, your parents complained that nobody in the house could use the phone for hours on end and you spent all night waiting for a song to download on Napster.
But those days are gone, I’m paying for a broadband connection so I expect one. I don’t expect to sit...
10 - "Friends" on facebook but don't say hello in...
This actually happened to me, a girl I went to school with many years ago added me on facebook. I then saw her in a pub on a trip back to my home town said hello and she blanked me! Why add someone on facebook if you won’t say hello to them in the street.
I have since been much stricter on who gets to be my facebook friend.
9 - Ads on Spotify
Spotify is a brilliant service but those ads are really just a little irritating. I say just a little irritating as they aren’t that bad that you’ll run off and pay for the full ad free service.
The fact that the sound quality on a lot of “Hi I’m Roberta from Spotify” type ads is rubbish doesn’t say a lot for a company who are providing music over the web.
8 - That annoying itch
The very definition of irritating, just a little itch somewhere that won’t go away. Especially annoying when you can’t reach it or can’t scratch it in public without some strange glances and a possible arrest.
7 - Stubbing your toe
Such a silly little thing that’s so easy to do but f*** me it hurts leaving you hopping round like a mad person.
You can’t exactly go to hospital after stubbing your toe either, you seem like such a baby. Yet I’m led to believe we break our toes quite often and think nothing of it.
It is a good argument for wearing toe capped boots ALL the time despite the impracticalities and...
6 - People who can't park
There are in a rush, you wizz into the multi-storey only to get stuck behind the grandma who is reversing in and out and in and out of a huge parking space. You try to drive past but they reverse into your path hopelessly trying to straighten up.
You only came out for a bottle of milk and here you are 30 minutes later waiting for the old dear to park.
It only gets worse when they hit your car.
...
5 - Being put on hold
Everyone hates being put on hold even if you play calming music like Jack Johnson I will still be unhappy when I eventually get through to someone.
It’s also annoying when there’s no music and you can’t tell if you’ve just been lost in a telephone system forever.
4 - Getting somewhere and forgetting why you went...
Standing at the top of the stairs and thinking “now why did I walk up here?”. It’s much more embarrassing when you’ve taken yourself all the way to the Supermarket and you have to buy some random stuff you don’t need so you don’t feel too daft.
3 - Running out of hot water
A hideous experience that normally happens either
a) Mid way through a shower leaving you with the option of finishing your shower with freezing cold water or getting out and drying yourself off whilst cover in soapy suds.
or
b) When your bath is about half full and you’ve left it running only to return and find it freezing cold.
2 - That song that you don't like that gets stuck...
You know what I mean, when it’s the last song you heard as you left the house and you walk around with it stuck in your head. Even worse when you start humming Westlife on the train or in some other public place or you walk around singing “Go Compare” to yourself - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_-9QFvhQWo
Damn those musicians and their catchy tunes!
1 - The Alanis Morisette song Ironic
It isn’t ironic! Everything in the song is at most mildly annoying! 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife is in no way ironic unless you happen to have spent your life campaigning for knives to be replaced by spoons and now here you are in need of a knife.
Neither is rain on your wedding day ironic, or “waiting your whole damn life to take that flight”, nor a free ride when...
