1000 Irritating Things

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262 - Math

Where’s the “s”? Why does it go missing in American English?

Apparently neither is correct or incorrect and no doubt “maths” sounds equally weird to an American ear as “math” does to mine. But as with any problem like this I raise the argument - it’s English, American or otherwise so what they say in England is correct.

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261 - Folding the corner of books

I can be a bit precious with books, I hate when people fold the corners to mark their place, especially if it’s a library book. Why would you damage this book that isn’t even yours? Just buy yourself a damn bookmark!

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259 - Bah Humbug-ers / Christmas Grinches

It seems slightly cool to dislike Christmas, to complain about the over commercialisation, or the enforced fun, the meeting up with relatives and over eating. 

But you know what? I don’t care, I’m just going to do my best enjoy to enjoy it, so take your moaning and bore off.

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258 - Repeatedly mis-typing something

You try and type it, something as simple as “uses” but you type “users”, tap delete a few times try again and type the same typo, delete again, a different typo and then finally next attempt you get there. Damn you clumsy fingers. Still at least it means you picked up the mistake and didn’t email or text it.

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257 - Misuse of the phrases Semi and Quarter finals

I blame TV, you see it on the X factor and many shows like that, getting semi and quarter finals wrong. They use Semi final for the round before the final show and quarter final for the round before that - it doesn’t make sense.

Semi means half and in a traditional bracketed competition would be where there were two matches to decide who faces off in the final, so two matches, each one is 1/2 of the games to be played hence a Semi final with the whole round being called the Semi Finals. This works the same with quarter finals, each match is 1/4 of the games in the round so a quarter final.

It is not simply the round before the final, for instance the Great British Bake off “quarter final” consisted of five contestants who were then reduce to 4 by the end of the show - where is the 1/4 in there?

It’s a penultimate show and the one before that - stop confusing the matter in the name of making it all sound more dramatic.

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256 - Not locking a public toilet door

Look I’m not going to judge you for using a public toilet, we all have to go sometimes but lock the f**king door. Don’t look surprised and angry like I’ve done something wrong when I open the door and you’re sat there. The door has a lock for a reason.

I don’t know why but this seems most prevalent on an aeroplane, why wouldn’t you lock the door? I have no idea.

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255 - That little bit of showing off that goes awry

Come on you’ve all done it, that little spin of the bottle as you pick it up, the juggle of an apple from hand to hand instead of carrying it. Followed by dropping the apple or the top coming off the bottle that leaves you asking yourself why didn’t you just pick it up without trying to be fancy? At the same time as checking around to see if anyone noticed.

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254 - Golf

Many many people play golf and I’m sure at some point in their time playing they think “What the f**k is going on here?” and question why they’re playing it.

Golf is by it’s very nature irritating with the occasional miss hit liable to bring down the mood of an otherwise entirely pleasant round. Yet people keep going to back to hit their balls into long grass and spend far too long trying to find them as they were sure it landed just by this tree.

So here’s to golf the great thorn in the side of everyone who chooses to play it.